I

"you know, your uncle, my brother" - he looked away
"no, I shouldn't mention it" - he smiled at me
but he said, "my brother..."
"he said, "I want to drink with all the generations"
he gestured at all of us
"and here we are" says uncle Bernie
"all of us, together" says dad
my grandfather shook his head
"not all here, though" he shook his head
"John is inside"
I look through the window
"he's here lolo"
"we're all here" says dad
i drink my beer

II

"oh, Jamie?" - he opened his eyes
"how are you?" - arm out of the blanket
"i just wanted to check on you lolo" - my hand on his shoulder
he coughs, shortly - then repeatedly
"are you okay?" says lola
he coughs, rhythmically
getting up
i reach for his arm
"don't help me jamie"
he ambles to the washroom
pukes a mouthful short of the toilet
"let me get tissue"
"no, he has some lola"
I reach for his arm
"Jamie, don't worry about me"
the faucet is running
"he's not used to the alchohal" says lola
"he cannot read and write"
he speaks to my reflection
"who lolo?"
"Jayden"
"how old is he now? 8? 11?"
"and to this day he cannot read and write"
he winces
"he can" says lola
"no, he can't" says lolo
lola walks down the hall
"you can read and write can't you?"
She walks back
"see, he can" says lola
"no, he can't" says lolo
lola covers her lips with a finger
"Jamie, you want to become a teacher"
still speaking to my reflection
"start with Jayden"
"okay lolo, i'll help him"
I help him back to bed
"Jaime, don't worry about me, I'm old"
"i am going to die"
"well, I'm not going to die"
he's back under the covers
"i know i am drunk, but i mean it"
"he cannot read and write, to this day"
"how old is he? 10? 11?"
"i'll help him lolo"
"how is he?" says my step mom
"he's doing fine, just drunk" says lolo
"oh, don't worry" says lolo
"just let him sleep"
"you should sleep lolo"
They leave us alone
"I'll help him lolo"
"What do you mean you'll help him?"
I sit down
"he has that" he winces
"what is it?" grasping
"ADH-"
"ADHD?"
"yes, that one"
his eyes are closed
"well, I'll figure out how to"
"what do you mean?"
"I'll learn"
"Jamie, you have to help them"
"don't worry about me anymore"
"i will"
"listen, Jaime, you are the best one"
"you have always been the best one"
"you have to help them"
"Jayden, he is the worst"
"you don't have to worry about Jacob"
"Alyssa, Sierra, Jonathan"
"but Jayden, he cannot read and write"
"how old is he?"
"help them, please"
"help them"
"i will lolo"
"but you rest now"
"i love you"
"bull shit"
"what do you mean?" - I smile
"oh oh, how many times do you come see me?"
"so you're saying you want to see me more?"
"yes"
"okay lolo, I'll come to see you"
"sleep now"
i grab my beer off the night stand
i walk down the hall way
i turn to my cousin
"you"
"i need to teach you how to read and write"
"good night lola"

III

"will John be there?" through the din
"I'd compete if he were" says tito Bernie
"hasn't played in the last few games"
"I doubt it" says tito Joe
"we haven't won since he played"
"never will again!" says tito Ted
glass shatters
"he's back"
"where was he?"
"not sure"
"but we have a chance!" says Bernie
"I remember when" he begins - drinking
"I remember when we all played"
"we owned the scrum"
"hell yeah!" says Joe
"but not since John" croaks Ted
"left" still croaking
"it's been, what?" pause
"10 years? 12?"
"of drinking" says Bernie
"we just don't have the bodies anymore"
"John does"
"he always will!"
"because he doesn't drink" says Joe
"but he does"
"ever since Michelle"
"and he has tattoos!"
"of a Geisha"
"what's that?"
"a hot asian"
"is she mixed?"
"of course she is!"
"with"
"what?"
"Thai"
"oh, damn"
"and a samurai" says Ted
hands over eyes
"and lions" says Joe
"also" starts Bernie
he raises a finger
"also, lions"
he lowers his finger
"damn"
"and an anagram"
"Joshua"
lying his forearm in front of him
"Jayden"
he raises his arm
wrist to forehead
forearm facing out
"more ink than a jellyfish"
"you mean clam"
"you mean calamari"
"fuck you!"
"fuck John!"
"why did he leave?"
"Michelle"
"she cheated on him"
"why?"
glass shatters

IV

the engine flexes
"you know" he starts
"yea" - I don't
"your dad never talks to me" says Kevin
"like, last night"
"when he was telling me to give Chels the finger"
"he never talks to me like that"
"I mean, we talk and all, but..."
wind-whipped hair hits my eyelashes
"but never about anything that matters"
"you know?"
"I do" - I do
"he always tells your titos he likes me"
"but I never feel it"
"he always says, "Kevin and I are buddies"
"but I mean, I don't feel that"
"we've been together for 5 years now" says chelsea
"and he's never shown any emotion"
"but that's dad" I say
sun scented street concrete glares
"all the alarcon males are like that"
"we got it from lolo"
"super stone skinned"
"strong, be strong"
"that's how we were raised"
I think of my onyx ring
"but dad does care"
"he only cares in his way"
"if he's patient with you"
"if he can stand your presence"
"that's how dad says, "i like you"
"yea, that's true" says my sister
"i've expected a lot from dad" I say
"i expected certain expressions"
"but that was my fault"
"he is who he is"
"i can't change that"
"i know he loves me"
"and that he'll try in his way"
"i can't ask for more"
the engine flexes