When I was in grade 5 or 6, for my birthday, by my mother, I received a computer game called, Age of Empires. I remember the day we bought it too. We drove to the Staples by my house, we went in, and I browsed their computer games with my mom. Staples, to this day, has the worst game selection, but that should of been obvious to me. I was in grade 5 (or 6).

So anyways, I played this game, a lot. I have a knack for all things ancient historical so I really took to the game, wherein, you choose a civilization, build shit, gather resources, and destroy shit. I played this game, a lot. So much so, that I would stop playing sometimes and feel like I wasted my time. I realized, too, that the game itself was boring to me, but I still played it. It wasn't even enjoyable, and yet, I knew that I would still play it. I wanted to do other things, and thought of doing them, but I always started up the computer, and played, Age of Empires. Yea, a lot.

So I get to the point where, I am able to see what I'm doing to myself, and so I decide to stop playing. Not only that, I decide to un-install the game so as to make playing it at least slightly more difficult since I'd have to go through the installation process again to play. It worked like, 3 days. I was back to playing, even though I wasn't really enjoying it, and it wasn't fulfilling. I re-turned, you could say. Soon after, I resolved, once again, to stop playing, only this time I went HAM.

I un-installed the game, took the CD, and stood at the top of the stairs in my house. I remember looking at the disc itself, seeing a Centurian in yellow overlay and the silver from the CD itself. I remember even looking at it and then down at the door at the bottom of the stairs. I threw it, hard, like a ninja star, and it cracked and a piece or two broke off. I remember immediately going down the stairs to pick up the pieces and check the CD to see, well, if it was completely broken. It was, obviously. I knew that that was a gift, and that it had cost money, 50 or 60 dollars, and it was for my birthday. But, I had to get rid of it.

Why I'm saying any of this is because, well, switch gears, cause I'm about to get a little preachy. I believe, in life, as humans, we fall or place ourselves into circles. There are two types of circles. There are circles aimed at Heaven and there are those aimed at Hell. I don't mean the traditional Judeo-Christian idea of them where Satan, blah blah blah. I mean, Heaven as in, where we become greater, and Hell, where we become lesser than what we are.

The key difference between these circles is that circles aimed at Heaven are those which allow us to grow in a positive direction. In the direction that is aligned with our greatest selves, with our greatest potential, and ultimately, our greatest will. Circles aimed at Hell are aimed at the complete opposite.

When I was younger, I realized that I had fallen into a bad circle. Not a debilitating one, yet, but one which was keeping me from doing things that would/could of made me happy. To those who claim, we all do what we want, that's obviously not true. I won't get into it, but let's just keep it at the fact that, we are not always ourselves, most of the time, and that we consider a great many other things before ourselves. The circle I found myself in was a game, and, as young as I was, I was able to break out of it.

But this strength, I think, leaves us as we age. We become more content to say, that this is easy, or that this is safe, or that I am within my limits, or that I am better off in my circle. We betray the child who would of said and done otherwise. The child who considers himself, loves himself, and respects himself without regard.

These circles take a great many forms. They are, essentially, habits. But that's a terrible and narrow sighted way of describing them. Almost all of the activities we partake of have the potential to be circles. Things which, if repeated, can lead to greatness of either nature. I suppose, why I'm saying any of this, is because, I've identified circles, now, in my life, and thought that I should remember a time, wherein I had the power to break the wheel off the spoke, so to speak.