I don't know if it's because we're in lockdown, where days seem to be exact copies of one another, or because I'm getting older, but I'm starting to notice the depth to which my life is programmed. For example, there are many questions which pop up in typical conversation that I have pre-scripted responses to. There was undoubtedly a time when I didn't have an answer for any of them, when I'd have to think and reflect then craft some type of answer. Or perhaps I simply gave one and never changed it. 

It is a dangerous and frightening phenomena that humans tend to this type of existence. Where the paths of our lives have risen so high up out of the waters of chaos that they dry and dust in a white-hot sun of knowledge. I suppose it speaks to our proclivity to set things in order, to make more efficient, to know and subdue. How much of our lives are lived taming ourselves, forcing the soul to see only that it is a body. This is something new for me to think on. To find the balance between order and chaos. 

I want to avoid life on auto pilot. This also means not spending time in the land of random for the sake of equilibrium. There is no such thing as a balancing action. I cannot steal, then give charitably and call that a life well-lived. It would seem that to live rightly means to do so in the present action. To start I think one must be open to challenging their current programmed behaviour. Is the answer good, useful and true? And yet I consider these reflections as mere attempts to grasp this new challenge.